


Pictures of you

by Luna_Arsenica



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sorta kinda, also the harumina and harunagi are just referenced sorry, as much as I love haruki I'm not sure you can call him a major character sorry, but do know he's dead, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-25 00:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20367697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna_Arsenica/pseuds/Luna_Arsenica
Summary: "there was nothing in the worldthat I ever wanted morethan to hold you deep in my heart"(this is just minami and nagi mourning haruki together)





	Pictures of you

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for pt. 3 main story and ZOOL's special story, Antangonistic Quartet

It had been five years since Haruki died.

No matter how busy he was, Minami always made sure to keep that day free - he wouldn't be able to work properly anyway. If asked to, he could swear on his broken heart that the grief wouldn't let him. But this was an understatement and everyone knew, everyone could see that no matter how many years went by, or how well Minami seemed to be adjusting to it the rest of the year, that day was an exception.

Of course, when he finally gathered his courage to make his way to the cemetery, there was always someone else there. Regardless of who made it there first, they always met there, in front of Haruki's resting place. Minami was not the only one in this world who felt like he did about that loss.

When Haruki died, the world lost a wonderful musician, whether they could appreciate it or not. And even going further, even deeper than that, some other people in the world lost a friend - maybe even a lover. Minami could understand and share that kind of grief with many people.

But only Nagi could understand his loss. He was the only one in this world for whom Haruki meant exactly the same - the first person who paid attention to his needs, his feelings, his wants. The first person who was a friend, whose love was unconditional.

And no matter how ready they were for it, how much they did to be prepared for the loss, it still hurt. It still left an empty space in their heart, one that they still had no idea how to fix.

But they had their methods.

The first time, they were still very awkward about being around each other. Even after years of trying to get along, for Haruki's sake and for the sake of the many friends in common they had, they only made it to not-hostile level - they couldn't say they were friends, much less close friends.

Acquaintances, a presence to get used to, someone they could share air and a common space with, be in the same room without being in a bad mood, maybe. Not friends, certainly.

But when Haruki died, everyone around them decided to follow the man's example in life and leave them to share their grief. Leave them alone with each other to realise the things they had in common.

Which, in that very moment, was only the fact that they were too shocked to understand what they were feeling, to make sense or put into words what was happening to them.

It was the first time Minami looked at Nagi,  _ really _ looked at him, and saw a boy his age with feelings and hopes and fears and pain. There was so much pain in those beautiful blue eyes, clear tears overflowing, and it was then that he realised he was crying as well.

That was the first time they held each other, but did nothing more than just cry together until they felt ready to go back home. To face the fact that they'd never have another chance to hold Haruki like that again.

His memory wasn't always a source of pain, once they got used to his absence. Minami was able to smile when he remembered a particular piece of advice while making a new song, and he knew Nagi's smile when he sang any of the songs made by Haruki was the brightest. It made him feel a bit of warmth for all of IDOLiSH7, seeing how much love they put in performing those songs.

They were distant, but on the day of the first anniversary, the one person Minami found under the pouring rain was Nagi.

And neither of them knew what to do for a while, just staring at each other in the distance until Minami walked closer, smiled sadly and crouched by Nagi's side to leave his own flowers in the grave.

The silence was always deafening and it never got better, not the second or third year, not even the fourth. Even that fifth year, they barely had any words to exchange with each other.

But after five years, at least they could say they had a method to make that day better.

The first time, they thought it was quite the coincidence that both of them decided on the same time to go, but it could be that they just got tired of waiting for the rain to stop at around the same time. The second time it was a bit harder to believe, and by the third Minami was ready to call it "fate". Maybe even Haruki's spirit meddling.

The fourth time, Nagi seemed almost ready to leave when Minami arrived, and it almost made him feel like he was waiting for him. Minami, on the fifth year, could understand clearly why, when he himself waited, starting to wonder if maybe this was the year he wouldn't see Nagi.

Minami never thought he'd ever feel like that, but he knew he needed Nagi. After five years comforting each other on that (special, dreaded) day, he was sure that not spending the day with him would drive him to the edge, make him surrender to whatever was stressing him out recently.

But Nagi appeared after all, and after praying in silence, they held each other for a while, maybe a long minute or two. They needed to stop shaking before being able to do anything else, and even so they'd always go for coffee together, a chance to talk about something else to avoid breaking in public.

After coffee, they'd always go to Minami's place (Nagi was still living with all of IDOLiSH7, so of course going there was out of the equation) and bare their pain and their bodies.

The first time...... needless to say, they never talked about it because they knew it only started as a way to cope with the loss. It was their own antidote to grief, and neither could say who started that habit. All they knew was that the pain would be unbearable without it.

For Minami, half the pleasure was physical and the fact that, naturally, it felt good. Nagi was a gentleman, just like Haruki had always told him, a good natured person who just wanted to love and be loved. In that way, Minami felt like they could connect, of course, but there was something else in it for him.

There was no way for him to confirm it without explicitly talking about it, but he thought maybe Nagi felt the same way. That there was something deeper in loving each other, that it wasn't just having sex with anyone in order to feel the happy chemicals.

They both had other partners, and for many years, but Minami knew he wasn't wrong at all - he could recognize Haruki's way of loving in some of Nagi's actions in bed. Even the way he kissed, while contaminated by what he had probably picked up from others and mixed with what was most certainly his own habits, reminded him of Haruki's kisses.

Nagi always held him firmly, in the same way Haruki always had, the same way that made him feel safe and cared for, his hand in the back of his head keeping him in place while they kissed had the same kindness in it, the playful lap to the roof of Minami's mouth as he pulled away was the same he'd always loved.

The specificity of things he could see in Nagi that were  _ so very much _ taken from Haruki, that he himself knew he had assimilated too, filled him with a kind of relief he didn't know if he could call healthy.

But he couldn't help feeling better when he saw that the part of Haruki he had loved the most was still alive in this world.

It called to the many, many things Minami had in himself that were originally Haruki's, the way he'd hold Nagi's hand while looking into his eyes, the way he'd smile and whisper on his lips that everything would be okay, the way he lovingly caressed his hair.

If Minami had to explain it, he'd say they burn when they made love, but in a very delicate and sweet way, because they needed that to get over the bitterness in their hearts.

Sometimes he wondered what Haruki would think if he could see them, sharing pain until it turned to ecstasy, until they became a mess and they were shaking out of pleasure rather than grief. He'd probably smile, happy that they finally seemed to be getting along, trying to understand each other.

Miraculously, they  _ were _ becoming closer through something like that, as strange as that sounded. With every year and every anniversary spent together like that, they seemed more and more capable of holding an actual conversation if they happened to meet, instead of the awkward small talk they'd have back when Haruki was still alive, always talking wonders of the other to each of them in an attempt at getting them to see why he loved both.

A bit late, but maybe Minami finally could see it.

He wasn't sure about Nagi, but they  _ were _ adding little bits and pieces of camaraderie to the time they spent together with every passing anniversary. Maybe after five years Nagi stayed for dinner not just so Minami wouldn't skip it, irritated at how much harder it was to cook when he didn't feel like doing anything at all. Maybe it wasn't so he wouldn't burn himself or the food.

If asked, Minami would probably admit he enjoyed those moments, coffee, sex and whatever they managed to prepare for dinner, hurdled close in the kitchen even when they were not cold and there was enough room for both of them in there.

No one ever asked, but he never asked Nagi if his feelings had changed either. Just knowing he'd meet him at the cemetery, hold him and then spend the rest of the day together, was good enough for him.

But he wanted to bet on something that year, that special anniversary of five years rebuilding each other so they wouldn't crumble.

"Rokuya-san" he called from the kitchen, where his hand hesitated to put the lid on the bento box he always prepared for Nagi with their leftovers.

" _ Yes _ ?" Nagi's reply in his particular kind of english came from the living room, where he was probably getting ready to leave.

Minami wondered for a second if maybe it took each time less for them to be ready to part. Since they were in his home, all Minami had to do was wait for Nagi to be ready to pick himself up and go, for him to not need anything else from Minami, and it only took another second of thinking back on it to realise that, actually, every year they spent more time together.

"Do you want to stay?" Minami finally put the lid on the box. Whether Nagi left or not, he'd need that food the next day anyway, after all.

"You mean stay the night?" Nagi answered right on his ear, arms wrapped around Minami before he knew it. He didn't hear the light footsteps as he walked into the kitchen, and the contact  _ did _ make him jump a bit, but he relaxed almost instantly.

He really was warming up to prince charming, and the smile he couldn't keep away from his lips was the most clear hint to it.

"Yes. Is there any inconvenient?" Minami hoped he didn't look too worried, too dejected at the possibility of everything being the same as always.

"No. I'll take you up on your offer" Nagi took a deep breath before announcing, like it was the most important condition of the world, "...  _ if _ we can sing Kokona's songs together"

Minami didn't answer. He wasn't going to dignify that with a reply. Nagi tried to look at his face from one side or the other, but he always turned the other way.

"Natsume!" Nagi sounded deeply hurt at Minami's cold reaction.

"Why" he answered a one-word-sentence with another, not even thinking to explain anything else about his refusal.

"Oh! Your voice would sound marvelous singing them, why else?" Nagi's blue eyes opened wide in confusion, like a truly innocent being, and Minami sighed, maybe a bit happy to hear such a compliment.

"... Very well, we can do it" he turned and held Nagi's face with one hand as he kissed his cheek "But only because it means so much to you"

" _ Yes! _ " Nagi sounded excited like a big puppy, and Minami couldn't help the warmth in his chest. That is, until he remembered something crucial...

"And no recording"

" _ Oh... _ "

He couldn't help but chuckle at the way Nagi deflated on him, disappointed. He also couldn't help patting his head, or leaning on him, snuggling closer.

Even through all the pain, maybe Minami was starting to move on, and it was thanks to that same person he had tried to stay away from for so long, the same boy he was so jealous of he could've just killed him if given the chance.

Maybe it was a bit late, but Minami was finally listening to Haruki's advice and realizing he and Nagi had many things to share other than him.

_ 'You were right, Sakura-san. He really is special.' _

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this to make one specific friend sad but also bc hey. you know I was gonna do it. one day. sooner or later.
> 
> tittle and quote are from "Pictures of you" by The Cure and this is the first time a fic I write is actually inspired a lot by the song I name it after and it isn't just me going "how the fuck do I name this" after writing it lol
> 
> anyway, hope this makes many people cry <3


End file.
